last goodbye
by roomsickgirl
Summary: tori finds a rather ironically beautiful scene in front of him, and a letter written by hajime.


_self-indulgent since i like dark themes. this type of writing has been on my mind for awhile now so i thought i'd practice it on something as-as terrible as this._

 _may have mistakes because it's not proofread. may be ooc? as i said, i wrote this for the kicks_

 _please don't hate me_ _nor associate me with the bad side of the fanbase pls_

the scenery almost looked to ironically beautiful, but tori had to snap that away from his thoughts as he quivered in shock.

it was a bloodfest in front of him, yet gracefully done. tori wanted to rush to authorities, but he couldn't move, only staring at the work in front him, still new and wet and dripping.

he wanted to scream, tell himself to go and tell everyone what happened, but his feet only stuck itself on the floor. it was still too much to comprehend. everyone was dead in the club room. much worse, everyone was stained with blood everywhere.

it wasn't until his eyes had landed on barely splattered paper at the edge, perfectly folded and written with hajime's handwriting.

his limbs shook as he attempted to take the paper, and it was upon closer inspection that hajime had written a letter, the paper full of words scrawled with the same hajime feeling to it, even if it only peaked out a small part.

and it only made tori shiver. his shaky fingers pried open the letter, reading the first words on top of the letter, yet feeling blank from all of it. little blood was smudged on the last few paragraphs of the letter, though, and tori thought something worse. he decided to read the letter and everything had gone from tori.

 _my last words_

 _i suppose today is the last day that i'll ever see anyone again. i thought about this event happening through and through, and no doubt nothing will happen if i don't do it. it was something i should have done long ago, and something that would make everyone happy if it had happened. if not all, then most._

 _i can't really explain properly why i had done this at all. i had always wanted to do this from the start. i don't know when, but that's what i hate about it. i always thought about removing someone from the face of the earth, thinking that maybe it was destiny. and it frustrates me that i don't know why i should._

 _people say i'm a role model. staying humble, and being happy even with my social anxiety and my tough financial situations. it was i always taught myself, that i should set with these ideals to get on with life, to make myself better and happier than before._

 _i have decided that i do not want to go on with life. i do not want to grow up, and i do not want to see the future. even with that in mind, i still couldn't help seeing tomorrow, even managing it to be a routine: hate tomorrow and wait for tomorrow. i have gone tired from it._

 _taking my own life would've been easier, like poisoning my own tea, or hanging myself. whatever method is possible, i would accept, but somehow even foreseeing the event of my death i couldn't even be satisfied. i ask myself, why should i be disappointed, knowing full well i'll be dead anyway?_

 _i thought that maybe i should satisfy myself before i die, that could somehow act as false happiness that i could feel. i proceeded with the thought, and here i say my utmost apologies for what i've done-let's say, what i'm about to do._

 _i am writing this before the incident will happen, just so i can let everything out and it would be easier for me._

 _sakuma-senpai and president are good people. i don't hate, in fact, i love them with all my heart, just like i do with ra*bits._

 _yet, unlike ra*bits, we all had one thing in common: the despise we see in living._

 _you see, tea club is always seen as a peaceful club, and i'm glad for that. that even with the wonderful aura we give out whenever we have tea outside, no one seemed to suspect the stifling air we had around each other._

 _i wondered why no one noticed our aura to be darker than it actually was, but maybe it's because we were so good at hiding it, even pretending it doesn't exist. it's when in the club room the aura gets inevitably darker, with everyone's same feelings mixing together to create a dreary room with much despair._

 _it was so ironic. it was even beautiful; this club was the place of peace and happiness, and yet we contradicted what everyone else thought._

 _no one in the club said anything about our feelings, but it was easily felt, with the awkward silences and pitiful stares. we all somehow knew each other, with stories that's enough to make anyone cry, even when they weren't even the ones to experience it at all._

 _i don't want to make this longer than it really is, but i want to make it as brief as possible._

 _i always knew president's sickness, constantly worrying about what he's doing and his condition. it wasn't until i knew we felt the same. he wanted to die soon, and i felt nothing but empathy and happiness with that thought. how sad it is, to want for something to come for you but having to wait agonizingly because everyone doesn't want it?_

 _and sakuma-senpai had always thought of himself as a burden, yet he doesn't do anything about it, even continuing do it despite his own thought. to be honest, sakuma-senpai scares me, but sakuma-senpai was always a good person, even though he's questionable. i've watched him afar, and i do believe he's just a burden. it's pitiful seeing him sad over it._

 _that's why it was perfect that i thought of this plan. i could have done this to ra*bits instead, but i love them far enough that i've decided to do it on tea club instead. these are the people who wanted to the pain to stop, anyway._

 _so today i brought poison with me. i don't know of these, but i know for a fact that they can give an instant effect on the tea everyone if about to drink. it didn't matter what it was; what mattered was that i'm about to put an end to the misery we have been experiencing, and maybe the cold aura can be warmed at peace._

 _i stained the paper with blood, but it's nothing to be worried about. sakuma-senpai fell asleep right before we were going to have tea, so that annoyed me a bit. it makes me smile, though, because sakuma-senpai is as entertaining as ever._

 _president and i had tea first, but i didn't drink mine. as rude as it was, i didn't want to die yet. president had proceeded to drink, and he asked me what was wrong and he was willing to listen. it was so nice of president, and i am glad i got to experience it before i could be long gone from this world._

 _he started coughing and coughing, much worse than anything i myself had witnessed when he had an episode. blood started to splatter everywhere, on himself and on the table. some of the food fell, and his teacup fell and shattered on the floor, too. i was smiling when he dropped on the table. aren't you happy now, president? isn't this what we all wanted?_

 _then it was sakuma-senpai. him getting poisoned by tea didn't work, considering he fell asleep. he did rouse when president made noises, but i wanted sakuma-senpai to have a good sleep. i want to fill him with sweet dreams, so i don't want anyone interrupting that. it's funny, though, that it fit sticking sharp utensils on his neck. it seemed so much like him. i kept sticking them until he didn't move, not enough to could awake him_

 _what was left was me. they had two different deaths, but i don't think i'd want mine to be that special. i was only going to be dead. that's it._

 _as much as i'd like to hang myself, there was nothing else in this room. the only option left was to drink the poisoned tea, or bathe myself in blood._

 _i choose to bathe myself in blood, since that's probably the quickest and a far less painful way of dying._

 _i'm going to slice myself at the throat, symbolizing that even my voice had gone from this cruel world. there's no need for anyone to hear what i have to sing anymore. i will be gone, and that's the fact that i truly appreciate before leaving._

 _so, to anyone who will ever read this, i am sorry. i really am, but it's for the best. please tell everyone who had been close to me, i am grateful i got to spend my time with you. my own time has come, however, and i will leave it as that._

 _this is my last goodbye._

tori dropped the bloodstained letter on the floor, his legs finally feeling the return of motion.

he ran and ran, desperately trying to find someone to know of the situation. as of now, he really wanted yuzuru, and for everything to stop.


End file.
